Beach Party
by foscari
Summary: Madness ensues at the beach party thrown to celebrate Cagalli and Kira's birthday. One shot.


Title: Beach Party

Rating: K+

Category: Humor

Warning: TWT, PWP, total OOC-ness, ignores character death, some sexual implication

Feedback: Yes please. Constructive.

Summary: Chaos reigns at the beach bash for Kira and Cagalli's birthday. One shot.

Disclaimer: Kidou Senshi Gundam SEED and SEED Destiny are copyright to Hajime Yare, Yoshiyuki Tomino, Sotso Agency and Sunrise. I don't own them.

AN: This is a totally pointless, OOC story which has no plot whatsoever at all. Do kindly refrain from flaming me with "This sucks!" or "WTF!". I have no idea where this came from and it took me two days to write this random madness down. Pairings are all jumbled up around here, for the sake of the story (except for Y x C which I like). Don't throw a hissy fit if your fave character aren't pair with their "supposed" partner. Other than that, read on and beware of madness ahead.

* * *

"A what?"

"A party. Or more specifically, it's Cagalli-san and Kira's birthday party. They're turning twenty-one and everyone is invited."

Lunamaria eyed the dark-haired boy before her as he turned the invitation card over and over in his hands, as if he couldn't quite decided whether he should say yes or no. Shinn had calmed down somewhat after the war, no longer the manic self he was before.

"Come on, you have to come!" she now cajoled. "You've done nothing but eat, sleep, drink and work. It's enough to make a girl like me cry buckets. It'll be fun."

"Fun," he echoed, stopping the twirling.

"Stellar's going to be there," she added, slyly.

That got his attention. A lovesick, puppyish look came to his face at the mention of Stellar. It was enough to actually him drool, not in the literal sense but close enough. There was a glazed look in his eyes as his thoughts wandered off to what he would be doing to the lovely blonde at the party. Maybe he can entail a kiss or two, or progress further like shedding their clothes and rolling about...

"Oi!" Lunamaria frowned at the trickle of drool from the corner of her comrade's mouth. If the pilot wasn't going SEED or maniacal during battles, he was drooling over a certain blonde.

"I'll be there," he said, snapping out of his stupor, as if it had never happened. A pause. "Do I need to buy them something?"

"Oh!" The redhead mentally slapped a hand on her forehead as she asked the heavens why.

"Lacuuusss!" Kira staggered over to where the rose-pink haired girl sat on the blanket. "There you are!"

"Hello, Kira." Lacus smiled up at her boyfriend. Next to her were Mirialla and Meyrin. All three girls held their drinks – non-alcoholic for Lacus and Meyrin – in their hands. The two paused in their conversation when Kira approached.

"You wanna dance with me?" Kira all but slurred at her, swaying slightly, his glass of something flourescent green sloshing over the rim, down his fingers.

"Are you drunk, Kira?" Mirialla asked, amused. Meyrin simply stared.

"Course not! I don't get drunk!" Kira let out a bark of laughter which sounded like a crazed hyena laughing. "You wanna dance with me?" he asked again.

"Oh, of course, Kira.." Lacus smiled at him only to frown in confusion when instead of taking her outstretched hand, Kira hauled the furiously blushing Meyrin up from her seat, upsetting her glass of pineapple juice all over her dress and dragged her protesting feebly to where the makeshift "dance floor" was.

Mirialla's mouth opened and closed but no sound came out of her as she continued to stare at the spot where Meyrin had been seconds ago but was now dancing with Kira. Only the way Kira dance was better described as a hippo trying to do the ballet.

Lacus simply tossed back her drink, muttering she was going to get something stronger than this guava juice she had.

* * *

"Oh, look, Athrun's here already! Athrun!" Lunamaria waved madly at the blue-haired boy. She lowered her arm, disappointed. "He didn't see me. I'm going to go over and say hi." With that, the redhead bounded across the sand with unbridled energy towards her target.

Shinn looked around. Cagalli had probably invited nearly a hundred people, judging from the huge wriggling mass of arms and legs that looked much like some alien life form from some cheap horror movie. Loud pounding music seemed to ring in his ear as he cursed at Lunamaria for abandoning him to his fate to the unknown. He gaped at the unusual sight of the shy Meyrin dancing – or more likely avoiding Kira's clumsy feet. The guy looked like Godzilla trying to dance. Poor Meyrin.

A flash of blonde caught his attention, and he made like a camel to water. "Stellar?"

The girl wasn't Stellar. She was shorter and had none of Stellar's beauty or limpid eyes.

"Oh, sorry." Shinn watched her walk away until another golden head diverted him. "Stellar?" he said hopefully.

Another wrong blonde. He gritted out an apology and continue his search for his beloved blonde. "Stellar?"

Six more not-Stellars later, Shinn felt like howling to the sky or bursting into hysterical laughter or do both. He yanked at his hair in frustration, cursing at the gods that be for creating blondes in general.

Just how many blondes were there in this whole place!

* * *

"Is it me or is Shinn looking like he's going to implode from some unknown pressure in him?" the azure-haired youth asked his friend.

"He looks constipated to me." Sting gulped down the rest of his own flourescent green liquid, then shrugged in a 'who cares' manner. "Or, he's going to go berserker on everyone."

Auel stared thoughtfully at the aforementioned boy who seemed to have stopped whatever inner turmoil he was having, straightened up and charged headlong into the mass of heads, bodies, arms and legs that were all moving in unison like the blob from a campy science fiction flick. Scary.

"Huh," was all he said as he sipped his own drink, only to find it empty. "Want to get another one?" he asked.

"Want to mix our own cocktails?" said Sting with a malevolent grin.

Auel returned the grin. "Do fish swim?"

It was a grin that should have even the most fearless running for the hills.

* * *

"Hi, Athrun!" Lunamaria chirped out cheerfully, a wide grin on her face.

"Lunamaria." Athrun was staring at the beach. He was leaning against the bar counter, dressed in a Hawaiian patterned shirt with Bermuda shorts. Lunamaria allowed her eyes to wander over him quickly, memorising every detail and storing it away for future references.

"Great party, huh? Cagalli-san knows how to throw the best of them!" She beckoned to the barkeep, ordering her drink.

"She has the resources and money," he said, eyes wandering over the crowd dancing out there.

"Where is the birthday girl, by the way?" Lunamaria quickly adjusted her halter top, making sure she was showing a generous amount of cleavage to Athrun's eye, and discreetly tugged her miniskirt higher up.

"Somewhere, mingling." Athrun made a vague gesture. He turned back to her, and paused.

The girl looked as inviting as the poison apple in Snow White. Her miniskirt left her long, long legs bare to all and her skimpy top showed the right amount of womanly curves that were just begging him to touch. He suddenly felt very hot, and wondered if he was getting a fever, gulping down the rest of his drink hastily.

"How about a dance, Athrun?" she asked, looking at him coyly from under those lashes.

Athrun Zala was a drowning man.

* * *

"Is that Athrun over there with Lunamaria?"

Cagalli lifted her head to see that it was indeed Athrun and Lunamaria dancing as close as possible; plastering themselves to each other was more like it. The girl's hands seemed to be everywhere at once but then, so were Athrun's. Perverts, she thought.

"They look like a pair of octopuses," remarked Yzak, not stopping his own movements.

"Hmm." Cagalli was not stopping her movements either, hands burying themselves into the fine, silvery-white mane. "Shut up and continue."

"My pleasure."

"Wait!" A pause. "Check if there's any of those pesky Haro around."

"Lacus doesn't bring them to a party." A nip to her neck.

"I don't want another recap of that episode." A suck to the earlobe.

"Relax. We're in the dark, secluded area where you said, hardly anyone passes by here. Who's going to see us?"

"Shut it and continue."

* * *

"Dearka, what are you doing?" Stellar asked. She had came across the blond crouched down behind some thick shrubbery, seemingly oblivious to his surroundings but the focus of his attention. She had thought of leaving him alone to his devices but curiosity reared its head, and now she couldn't help but want to know as well.

The blond let out a strangled yelp, nearly leaping into the air as he whirled around to see the former Earth Alliance pilot looking at him quizzically. He quickly yanked her down to the ground level, behind the safety of the shrubbery.

"Have a look," he told her in a whisper, handing her the camcorder.

"Oh my god!" she all but shrieked, clapping a hand to her mouth, eyes wide. "They're– they're at it like minks and– and you're taping them, you pervert!" Her shocked visage gave way to a scowl.

"Of course I am! What kind of friend would I be if I didn't tape it all?" He looked indignant.

Stellar pinched her nose, trying to stave off the headache. "You're going to use it as blackmail, aren't you?"

"I don't blackmail," he said hotly, keeping his voice to a whisper. "I am simply collecting evidence that would lead to the moment where I can whip it out and show it to their faces and up one them." He sniffed, as if the thought of him blackmailing anyone was atrocious indeed.

"Right." Stellar settled to a comfortable position. "So, can I have a copy?"

* * *

"...beer bottles on the wall! Take one down, pass it around, seventy-three beer bottles on the wall!" warbled the very drunk, very flushed Rey. He looked dangerously close to tipping off his bar stool at the "beer hut" as everyone had dubbed it. "Seventy-two beer bottles on the wall, seventy-two beer bottles on the wall..." His voice rose in pitch and made everyone nearby cringed.

"Here!" Sting shoved a tall glass of something bright and lime green at him in desperation. The singing was equal to an amateur playing the violin the first time. Rey may be a great pilot but a singer, he wasn't and never will be if anyone can help it.

"Yum! Lemony!" the blond said, knocking the entire glass back in seconds, smacking his lips after he finished.

"Wow..." Auel stared, impressed. He'd never seen anyone down that in the speed of Flash Gordon.

Sting had to agree, nodding his head silently. He and Auel had mixed cocktails that were enough to put an elephant to sleep, as proven by the few snoring occupants on the table and floor. Rey, however, seemed to have the constitution of a hardy rhino. He'd been downing those drinks for the past half an hour.

"Another one!" he called out, thumping his glass on the counter.

"I can't believe he's still standing," Sting whispered. There wasn't any need to whisper since Rey was actually too far gone to know what they were talking about but they didn't know that.

"Here." Auel handed a dazzling bright blue drink. "This will knock him out for sure."

"... take one down and pass it around, sixty-two beer bottles on the wall!" The last part ended on a high note that made the nearby cats yowl in horror. He paused in his singing, squinted at the blue liquid before him before raising his eyes to meet those of Auel and Sting.

If Rey weren't so drunk, he would have suspected something was up from the way those two were grinning at him and the looks in their eyes. As it was, the guy was just too far gone to notice and besides, his mind was on finishing his masterpiece. That is, if he can remember what song it was.

"It's blue," he said, staring at the glass. "Pretty. Like the ocean... Row, row, row your boat! Gently down the – Gak!"

Auel had tipped the glass up to his mouth as it opened and poured the content down his throat, making his sputter before he gulped it down. The two leaned forward expectantly, eyes very bright and intense on him.

"Wow!" Rey stared at the half empty glass in genuine amazement, although his eyes were glazed over. "This is... this is... Hey, wanna hear my version of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star?"

Sting slapped a hand to his forehead, asking the gods that be why. Auel's mouth dropped opened, and like Mirialla earlier, no sounds came out.

They were both doomed.

* * *

"Stellaaaaar! Stellaaaaar!" Shinn felt that he was beginning to sound like a pet owner calling for his lost dog among the crowd. That, and he was sure he won't have anymore hair left by the time the party finished.

After the sixtieth not-Stellar, he was sure that Cagalli had deliberately invited nearly every blonde to this damn party. All the girls were beginning to look alike and he was sure he'd stopped the same girl twice.

"Stellar?" he whimpered, wishing he had stayed home instead of coming to this accursed party. He was cursing Lunamaria with words that were colourful enough to even make a sailor blush.

Someone plowed right into him, knocking them both to the sand.

"Kira Yamato, you cheating bastard!" came the angry squeal above him.

"Wha–?" Shinn blinked up to see a girl with rose-pink hair and teary blue eyes sitting on him. "Nani?"

"As if it wasn't enough that you go partying your pretty head off, you had to drag along that girl with you as well! What am I? A scrap of metal? I'm your girlfriend, you idiot!" the girl ranted, gesturing wildly.

Shinn's scrambled brain tried to match her face with a name when it popped up. Of course, she was the Lacus Clyne of PLANT. He was certain she was the genuine one, since the fake one seemed to have the thing for Zala anyway.

"Uh, Lacus-san?" he started, wheezing a little. The girl may look light but she was actually quite heavy.

"Lacus-san? Now it's Lacus-san! Don't you love me anymore, Kira? What have I ever done to deserve this treatment from you?" To Shinn's utter horror and alarm, tears were now falling down her cheeks as she began to sob.

"Oh, no! Don't do that!" Shinn managed to scramble up, without upsetting her. "Please don't cry. I'm don't deal with tears very well."

Her only response was to cry louder. Luckily, the music was so loud, no heard her wails.

"Er..." What would Yamato do in this situation? Shinn hesitantly patted her head. "There, there?" He'd seen Rey done this once with Meyrin, so it should work as well, right?

It seemed to work and her sobs died down to sniffles.

"All better, Lacus-san?"

She whipped her head up to stare at him, eyes wide. "L-Lacus-san...?" It seemed to trigger the waterfall of tears once more and she sobbed even louder than before.

Oh crap, was Shinn's thought.

* * *

Meyrin was never a saint but she could be called one now. For the things she had to put up with at this moment, she might as well have a statue erected for her.

Her face was starting to hurt from the false smile and her poor toes were hurting even worse from her partner having trod on her feet numerous times. Kira had the grace of an ox.

"Anou... Kira-san, perhaps we should sit down?" she suggested, after her toes were stepped on the hundredth time.

"Sit down? Sit down? I don't know any words sit down!" Kira stared at her as if she had grown another head. "I can't sit down! It's my party! My night! I'm finally twenty-one, old enough to drink! And I'll drink and be merry until the sun comes up! We can't sit down now! The party's just getting started!"

Meyrin turned her eyes heavenward, pleading for any divine intervention so that she won't be limping around for the next few days or so. No luck there. The gods must be laughing at her misfortune. Or they had a wacky sense of humour.

She wanted to throw her head back and scream but instead, she forced another smile on her face as Kira stepped on her toes.

She prayed for the night to end soon or she was going to end up in the infirmary with very, very sore feet.

Ice, she thought. I'm going to need a lot of ice.

* * *

Heavy breathing came from the secluded, shadowed spot. A lot of heavy breathing and moans.

The grin on Dearka's face grew wider and wider while Stellar had her covered her eyes with her fingers; though she was still peeking out from behind her fingers with interest at the scene before her.

"Oh, this is just going to be great," he told her.

"Won't they kill you if they find out?" she said.

"First, they won't find out. Second, they're too busy with each other to know they have an audience." Dearka "Hey, I never thought of using my tongue like that. Cool!"

Stellar privately thought that Dearka was a pervert, through and through. She made a note to try that tongue thing on Shinn one day.

They were so intent on the screen before them that they failed to notice the slight rustling of the bushes on their right. Something emerged from the leaves. Something small with tiny blackcurrant eyes.

"HELLO! HELLO! HARO!"

"Gah!" Both literally jumped a foot in the air, clutching each other in terror at the unknown creature that was going to attack them. Dearka lost his grip on the camera and it sailed through the air to land with a thud right next to the couple.

"Wha–?" came the surprised cry.

"Haro!" Dearka grabbed the pink mecha with both hands. He knew those little things Athrun made were trouble. Stellar had never seen a Haro before and it fascinate her.

"What is it?" she asked, poking at it.

"Dearka Elsman! I'm going to kill you!" Yzak came crashing out from the thick bushes, a murderous look on his face, hair tousled and stuck with leaves. There was an obvious bite mark on his neck.

"Ahaha, it was all in good fun," said Dearka, sweatdropping.

Cagalli appeared, having hastily thrown on her halter top and shorts, scowling at the two like she wanted nothing more than to rearrange their limbs. In her hands was the camera. Without a word, she yanked out the tape, smashed it with her foot and tossed the camera into the bushes.

"C-Cagalli-san, matte kudasai," began Stellar nervously.

"SHINE!"

The screams rang the air as the culprits fled for their lives.

* * *

"Did you hear that?" Lunamaria asked, cocking her head to one side.

"No, nothing." Athrun waded in the water towards her.

They had taken off from the party to the cove down the beach, away from the crowd and music. The two of them had wasted no time in stripping off their clothes, entering the water. Despite that the sun had set hours ago, the water was surprisingly warm.

Lunamaria adjusted the straps of her bikini, treading water as Athrun reached her. He clasped his hands on her upper arms, smiling down at her as she flushed. Maybe she had a little much to drink this evening, she thought as he leaned down and brushed his lips against hers.

Her arms went up around his neck as he pulled her closer. His skin was warm to the touch and smooth. She wound her fingers around his hair, inviting him to deepen the kiss, as his hands went lower and he brought her up so that she could wrap her legs around his waist.

Tonight was going to be perfect, she thought as their tongues seemed to clash.

But of course, fate had other plans for them.

The plans that included a running, screaming Dearka and Stellar chased after by a screaming Yzak and Cagalli and following behind was a screaming Haro. They seemed to zoomed past the couple in the water.

"Huh," was all Athrun managed to say while Lunamaria ended up sliding into the water.

So much for perfect, she thought woefully, sinking to her eyes.

* * *

Auel banged his head against the counter as Sting stared into oblivion, a glazed over look on his face.

"... USA! Surfing USA!" Rey sang with gusto, waving his hands around, sloshing his lime green drink all over the place. "Come on, sing it with me!"

"...!" came from Sting, a trickle of drool emerging from the corner of his mouth.

"If I have to suffer, you have to as well!" Auel smacked his friend. "Wake up!"

"Nightmare... singing... Beach Boys..." Sting shuddered. "Make it stop... stop..."

"Oh, great. He's cracked." Auel began to shake his friend only to be interrupted by a cough. He looked up to see a pretty redhead at the counter. "Yes?" he snapped. "Can't you see I'm trying to revive my comatose friend here, who, thanks to that airhead is now probably permanently in a coma?"

"I just want a drink," Mirialla said, after a pause. Her eyebrow rose at the guy's tirade and the background singing behind her.

"Make him stop singing and I'll throw in a free umbrella with your drink," said Auel. He highly doubt that even a gundam stomping on Rey could stop him from warbling.

Mirialla turned to really look at the Pavortti wannabe. He was cute. Not like Dearka who had a dash of brashness in his expression. Just really, really cute. Almost delicate features and fine corn silk hair. At the moment, he was drunk off his head and yowling to some oldies tune. Maybe her night would perk up after all. After Meyrin had been dragged off to dance with Kira and Lacus had went off to a drunken rant on the idiocy of men, namely Kira which left her alone.

"Hey, you," she said without preamble.

Rey stopped his singing, whirled around in one amazing move that somehow didn't tangle up his legs and made him fall on his face. "Girl!" he chirped, staggering over to her.

"Uh, yeah. Girl." Up close, he was even cuter, save for that alcohol breath but what the hey. The night was young. She didn't know where Dearka was and here was a nice, cute guy with blond hair who was drunk over his head and probably won't be stringing sentences in the next few hours. She was bored, so why not?

"Come on, handsome. What's your name?" She dragged him off towards the beach.

"Lay... Uh, I mean Rey," he corrected hastily.

Mirialla rolled her eyes, wondering what on earth has she gotten herself into. Halfway down the beach, she suddenly remembered her drink.

"Dammit!" she swore.

* * *

"Is it too much to ask for? Is it? Speak to me!" Lacus squinted at the 'Kira' before her. Her head had cleared a little during her tirade and she felt so much better now. "Kira?"

"There, there," said 'Kira' in a monotone, patting her head.

"Kira?" The blurry vision soon swam into focus and Lacus found to her horror and embarrassment that it wasn't Kira at all. Sure, the haircut was almost similar but how on earth could she had mistaken Shinn Asuka for Kira Yamato!

"There, there," he repeated, not seemed to have notice that she had emerged from her drunken haze to cold reality.

"S-Shinn-san?" she ventured.

"There, the– ?" The eyes widened and for a moment, and then he did something which took the pop idol by sheer surprise. He let out a yelp, threw himself on the ground, cowering with his arms over his head. "Stop crying, stop crying, stop crying. I don't do tears very well!"

It gave Lacus a moment to pause and wonder what on earth had she said or done to make him like that.

"Oh dear, I think I broke him."

* * *

Yzak had run before, mostly to just beat Athrun when they were in the Academy. Now, he was running and it wasn't to beat Athrun. Oh, no. It was to catch up to that so-called sneak known as his best friend and beat him up. His mind was already supplying the many ways he could dismember the guy. Cagalli was red in the face and huffing but refused to stop, the look of bloody murder in her eyes as she relentlessly chases after Stellar.

"Dearka! Wait until I get my hands on you!" he yelled.

Dearka didn't answer, presumably to save his breath as he ran, dragging poor Stellar along with him. The girl looked positively terrified at being caught and gutted like a fish as Cagalli had shouted out during their merry chase.

Something red and blue caught his eye and all too soon he was already halfway down the beach. He could have sworn it had been Zala and that redheaded girl. What was her name? Yuna? Luna? Something in that sense.

Behind him and Cagalli, Lacus's Haro sped along after them, shouting out words that Yzak was sure that darn mecha didn't pick up from Lacus at all.

He put on a sudden burst of speed, caught up with Dearka and pounced.

"Dearka!" Stellar looked torn between going back to help him or fleeing from the nearing Fury that was Cagalli. She didn't have a chance to decided for the blond whirlwind was on top of her.

"TASUKETE!"

* * *

The birthday party which saw the invitation of hundreds of guests and friends was a success. Something which everyone will be talking about in the weeks or months to come. It was truly a night to be remember for everyone.

"What happened to you?" asked Auel, the morning after when everyone lounged around the beach house. He still cringed every time he heard Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star or something by Beach Boys.

Stellar and Dearka were both rumpled and mussed. Stellar sported a scratch mark on her cheek and her hair looked as if someone had pulled at it savagely. Dearka had a black eye and a bruise on his jaw.

"Don't ask," she said, groaning.

Yzak and Cagalli looked none for the worse, only a little more mussed up than the other two. The love bit she gave him stood out like a beacon in the dark and he also had a black eye.

"You deserve it," sniffed Yzak. "I should sue you both."

"And what's wrong with Shinn?" Stellar asked, nodding towards where the boy was in the chair, rocking back and forth.

"... stopcryingstopcryingstopcrying..." he mumbled, staring at nothing.

"I think I broke him," Lacus supplied delicately, face red.

"So who broke _him_?" Yzak pointed at Sting.

"... Beach Boys... stop... nightmares... can't... make... it... stop... Mummy?" Sting was staring at the ceiling.

"That would be Beach Boys wannabe over here." Mirialla poked at Rey.

"I don't remember anything at all," moaned Rey. "Except I told some girl my name was Lay."

Snickers all round. Mirialla sighed, patting him on the back.

"Poor Meyrin, she had to stay in bed today," Lunamaria said ruefully.

"What happened to her?" Cagalli asked.

"Someone stepped on her feet all night while dancing," she said pointedly.

Kira slunk down into his seat, face as red as Lunamaria's hair.

"Kira's as graceful as a water buffalo when it comes to dancing," cackled Athrun.

"What happened to your shirt?" Kira said, ignoring his friend's jib.

"I, uh, that is, I lost it," he mumbled, flushing red. Lunamaria suddenly found the painting on the wall interesting, trying not to blush at her near nakedness as well. A skimpy bikini doesn't cover well.

"Good morning, everyone!" greeted Murrue cheerfully, sailing into the room, a cup of coffee in her hand. Talia, Arthur and Neo were next to her. "Cagalli-chan, that was a great party last night! A most memorable experience!"

"Yes, we're hoping that next time will be even better!" Talia added.

The young people stared at them as if they had announced that the Yeti was walking around outside before they all suddenly scrambled out of the room. In minutes, the room was empty of the pilots.

"Well, that was interesting," said Arthur with a shrug. "So, how about we view our tape from last night?"

"Yes, let's." Neo nodded, a devilish grin crossed his face.

If only they knew, thought Murrue fondly as they settle down to watch the recordings from last night.

Owari.

EN: Bwahaha! I had a lot of fun writing this and it was just too tempting to pair everyone up, whether romantically or just need to. Like I said, it's just a whole bunch of random madness.


End file.
